Wednesday, October 30, 2013
There is an absolute loss. Loss of control, loss of feeling, loss of hope, of interest in anything, loss of worth and it seemed all else. It was as if my life was wasted, all the years and great effort to be a better person, to be of use to not only myself but to those I held dear.
Loss in all of its manifestations is the touchstone of depression. I felt loss at every hand. The loss of self-esteem is a celebrated symptom, and my own sense of self had all but disappeared, along with any self-reliance. This loss can quickly degenerate into dependence, and from dependence to infantile dread. One dreads the loss of all things, all people close and dear. There is an acute fear of abandonment.
"It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul." -William Styron